A Thingamawhatsit
by Shadoku818
Summary: Lately, Ice King has not been running around The Land of Ooo causing problems and stealing Princesses as he normally would. No. He has been hidden away, working on a project that has taken him weeks to create. He gains help from Marceline The Vampire Queen(a surprising partner for him) to create a portal to another land.


"Can you believe it, Gunter?" The blue-skinned, white-bearded old man cackled. "My thinga-ma-whatsit is almost complete! All I need now is the Sacred Ball of Obo and a Nightosphere Goblin's tear!"

"iQuack/i." The stout penguin replied and the King responded in shock.

"What?" he shrieked. "Of course I can find these last two things! Gunter, I'm surprised at you! Penguin of little faith ..." Gunter rolled her eyes and turned away from the Ice King, wandering into the main room. Or what the Ice King might consider his Living Room.

The King itsked/i at his penguin, shaking his head. His eyes shot down to the floor and he further pondered his newest aroused quest. "I would never admit it to her face but Gunter may be right. How am I going to find the Sacred Ball of Obo and a Nightosphere Goblin's tear?"

"Well, I might be able to help …"

"Heh?" The Ice King spun around, looking up in time to catch a glimpse of Marceline the Vampire Queen. "Marceline! What are you doing in my Ice Castle?" he demanded.

"Eh, just floatin' around. Nothing exciting … But like I said. I could help you find what you need. Depending, of course, on what it's for ..." she trailed off, picking at the strings of her red axe-bass; which rested on her stomach once she rolled weightlessly onto her back.

"And how are you supposed to do that, huh? The Sacred Ball of Obo isn't easy to find! Heck, no one's found it in years!"

"That's not true. I know exactly who has it." Marceline replied, blowing her long bangs out of her face. Ice King's eyes lit up,

"Reeeeally?"

"Yep." She replied shortly, starting to pick out a quiet tune to fill the silence of the chilly room whilst the King thought. He stroked his long, white beard; letting out a series of 'Hmm's. Quickly, he turned back to the floating woman and hollered.

"Deal!"

"Wait a minute, you still haven't told me what it's for." Marceline flew to the Ice King's level, putting her face right in front of his.

"Ah … Well, uh … It's ..." Ice King stared at the vampire's greenish-gray face. She raised an eyebrow, waiting for her answer. "It's an invention … That will … Give Gunter … Fish?" He then gave the most innocent smile that he could manage. Instantly Marceline did not believe him and she flew back a couple of feet.

"Alright, I get it if you don't wanna tell me. Just promise it's not for a whole bunch of evil stuff. Finn'll just make me help clean it up if he finds out I was involved ..."

"No! Nothing evil! I promise!" Ice King agreed immediately, a bright, pointed-toothed smile spreading over his blue face.

"Hmm … Well. You seem genuine. So I guess I'll help.

"HOORAY!" Ice King exclaimed excitedly and Marceline winced.

"Eh … Yeah. Right. So let's go." she shook her head, floating towards the mouth of the ice castle. It's owner followed swiftly behind her, his beard parted in two and used as wings to help him fly.

"So Marcy, where we headed?" Ice King asked, moving slightly ahead of her so he could look at her face.

"You'll see, old man." she replied nonchalantly. This answer, of course, did not satisfy the curious wizard.

"Are we going to Finn and Jake's?" he asked, and received no answer. Ice King thought for a moment before he piped up again with, "Oo! Your place? The Candy Kingdom?" Marceline gave him a very annoyed sideways glance, her lip curling slightly over her fangs. She rolled her eyes, grabbing onto a clump of Ice King's beard and shooting forward, dragging him through the evening air.

"Ouch! Easy, sister!" he hissed, but went along without much more of a fight. The wizard gave a great sigh of relief when Marceline slowed down and eventually to a stop. They hovered over a barn and an odd looking character. From this point of view, they could tell he was slightly bobbing and upon closer inspection you could see the ball dropping between his legs before he bobbed back down. "Ohhhhh no!" Ice King groaned.

"What?" Marcy growled over her shoulder, folding her arms over her chest.

"Not this guy! He's a kook! What are we even doing here?" he began to complain. Marcy grabbed his beard and gave his head a good tug until he was looking down at the guy.

"You see his drop ball?" Ice King winced and made a noise of disgust.

"Y-yeah?"

"That's the Sacred Ball of Obo."

"What? Why does he have it?"

"I lent it to him, I needed his ball and the Obo was just lyin' around …"

"So … We have to touch it …?"

"Oh, get over yourself, Ice King." Marceline muttered, starting to float down. Reluctantly, the wizard followed her. "Hey Ghost Guy!" he turned around, dropping the red ball.

"Awww man! I almost beat my high score of six!" he groaned,

"Yeah, sorry about that …" Marceline said, landing on the ground in front of him. "Look, Ghost Guy we-,"

"Give us the Sacred Ball of Obo!" Ice King hissed, his eyes going white and his fingers sparking with ice bolts. The Ghost Guy looked at them in surprise, taking a step back and picking up his ball.

"Whoa man ..."

"Ice King!" Marceline growled.

"Marceline, who is this guy?" Ghost guy asked nervously. She gave a deep sigh.

"Never mind him, I just came by to see if I could have my ball back?" he gave her a cynical look, pursing his lips.

"Alright. Where's my ball?" she then flinched, shoving her hands into her pockets.

"I don't really know where it is …"

"Well unless I get a new ball in return, there's no way I'd give you this one." Ice King groaned.

"Fine! I'll just make you a ball!" he growled, beginning to wave his hands in a circle, getting faster. Then there were light ice sparks and a ball began to form between his hands and it became a complete blur until he finally stopped and caught the ball of ice.

"Oh my!" Ghost Guy said, watching as Ice King dropped the ball. "Well this looks promising! Have your ball back, Marceline!" he tossed it to her and she caught it.

"Awesome, thanks Ghost Guy. Let's go Ice King." she floated up into the air and Ice King followed quickly behind her.

Ghost Guy slowly moved over the ball, squatted and picked up the ball. His eyes glazed over and he yelped. "Woooowoooo! My cheeks!" Perhaps an ice ball was not the best kind of ball for a game of drop ball.

The two arrived at Marceline's home and the Vampire Queen was currently routing through her fridge. The Ice King leaned against the doorway, playing with the hair of his beard. "So uh, what're we doing here at your Place?"

"Well, you need the tear of a Nightosphere Goblin, right? We have to go to the Nightosphere."

"What?!" Ice King shrieked. "We are not going there! That place gives me the gooblie-gooks ..." his words forced the woman to roll her eyes.

"Get over yourself, Ice King. It'll only take a second. NS Goblins are real babies. Give em a few insults and iBAM/I!" She slammed the fridge door, holding a carton of bug milk in her hand. "Waterfall city!"

"Waterfall what?" Ice King said slowly, tilting his head to the side. Marceline pressed her lips into a line, glaring at the old, crazy man.

"You'll get your tear."

"Oh goody!" the two stood there in silence, staring at each other. Ice King's stare was excited and there was a large smile on his face while Marceline simply looked irritated. She floated past him and into the living room.

"Grab me a marker." she said, holding out her hand.

"Huh? Oh!" Ice King began to search the living room until he found a black permanent marker on the floor. He handed it over and Marceline used it to draw a large smiley face on the wall above her couch. She then opened the carton of bug milk and splashed it all over the face which immediately soaked it all in.

"Maloso vobiscum et cum spiritum!" she chanted. And with these five words, the portal swirled into different shades of deep violet before it opened to them. Only then, now looking at the open portal, did Ice King remember exactly where they were going. And he grew nervous again.

"A-are you sure there isn't another way to get a Nightosphere Goblin tear?"

"This is the only way." Marceline stated, grabbing the Ice King and shoving him through. The Ice King screamed all the way through; like a child. When he touched his feet to the ground, his eyes were tightly closed and his fists were clenched by his cheeks. "Aren't you coming?" Marceline's voice sounded kind of far off and his eyes opened immediately; in fear that she might have gotten too far away for him to even see her. Lucky for him, she was still visible and he scrambled after her.

As they walked, Ice King began to babble. Jibber-jabbering about all his fears of the Nightosphere. Marceline gave a roll of her eyes, pretending to not listen. However, she did. She could still sense her Simon through all the crazy magic of the crown. It was disappointing to hear all these things that he was afraid of when as a child all she could ever remember was Simon being the bravest person ever. How could he be afraid of anything? It just did not seem plausible. Until the fears were coming out of his own mouth.

Somehow, Marceline felt Ice King's 'condition' was her fault. If he had not been protecting her all that time, he would not have needed to use the crown. And then he would not have gone crazy. Maybe they should have never met in the first place. Marceline's eyebrows pulled tightly together, her heart constricting. No, of course not. She had needed him and he had needed her. What had happened was done, and they were still able to be together. Just … Not in the same way. A lot of the time, Marceline felt like she was taking care of the old man rather than how it used to be the other way around.

"Hey, Marcy! What's up girl? You've been staring off into space for forever!" Ice King's voice sliced through Marceline's thoughts and she blinked, turning her head to look at him. There was actual concern in his eyes and she held her mouth open for several moments before she finally spoke.

"Oh, right, sorry. I was just trying to remember where we might find some Goblins …" she looked around the dead area. It looked like a dark desert out here. Not really much to see. "Hmm … C'mon. Let's go to my Dad's house." she started floating upwards and it took Ice King a moment to realize he was supposed to float with her. When he finally did, they started flying to Hunson Abadeer's home. Marceline noticed the frightened look on Ice King's face and she sighed. "Don't worry. Dad's not usually home right now. He's out doing demon stuff ..."

"Oh! Well, that's good news. I was starting to go into a full on Gunter panic!" Marceline frowned, raising an eyebrow. She had no idea what that meant and she was pretty sure Ice King did not know either.

"Right, well we're here ..."

"Do we have to go inside?" Ice King asked, cringing slightly.

"Nah, there's this real annoying goblin that likes to hang around Dad's death garden. We'll just get it from him."

"Oh … Death garden?"

"Yeah, it's some pretty spooky stuff. Just don't step off the path and you'll be cool." he stared blankly at the Vampire until she turned away and started floating towards the garden. It was more like a dark maze created by tall, dark hedges. The path between the huge bushes was made of large, red stones. It smelled rotten and foul and Ice King covered his nose when the aroma hit his nostrils.

"EULCH! Wot ees tha 'orrible STENCH!" his words were slightly muffled and nasal.

"That's the smell of 'death.' What more were you expecting from a 'Death Garden?'" They moved between the hedges, Marceline leading the way. She made a face, her nose scrunching up. "He's nearby. I can Ismell/i him." Making a sharp left turn, they were able to proceed onward. "Just ahead!" Marceline added excitedly, speeding up a little. Ice King did his best to keep up. When they took another left, they came into a large, square clearing between the hedges. There were little plots on the ground with grave stones sticking out. A rather thick, tall one read, iRIP JACOBY HOSENHEFFER/i and under that it said. i'He was a great Husband and Father, not such a great Electrician ...'/i another said 'JIM PIGG. He never killed anybody. That didn't need killing.'/i and a third one simply read, 'iBYE/I.' Most of the others were unmarked or were so old the writing had eroded off. Some of the hedge began to rustle on the other side of the clearing and Marceline bolted over there, reaching into the thick bush. She grunted quietly, pushing in both hands as well as her head and shoulders.

Eventually she pulled back, dragging a small, gray skinned goblin. His clothes were tattered and dirty, the few strings of hair on his head were ruffled(as ruffled as they could be, anyway.) and he dragged a purple gem necklace along; clutching it tightly in his little hand. "Gilich, where did you get this?" Marcy hissed, ripping it from his grasp. He screeched back, wiggling wildly in her hands. "You're so annoying. Stay out of my stuff!"

"Don't leave it where I can find it!" Gilich growled back, yanking his ankles out of the tight vise of her fingers.

"Uh … Marcy? Are we gonna get that tear?" Ice King asked, his tone almost sounding timid.

"Tear?" Gilich questioned, pursing his lips. Marceline rolled her eyes.

"Cry, Gilich!" she demanded, her eyes growing large while her pupils turned to slits. Her hands turned into claws, her body growing and her hair flowing freely, almost viciously, around her head. She grasped his tiny body by his shoulders and pushed him to the ground.

"C-cry? Wh-why would I d-d-do that?!" The Goblin was obviously a little frightened at this point.

"I need your tears, that's why!" Marcy hissed.

"W-well I ain't givin' ya any!" at first, Gilich was proud of himself for standing up to her. Well, metaphorically of course. She did have him pinned down to the ground. Marceline shrunk back to normal, pulling back and standing up straight.

"Fine."

"Fine?" Gilich asked in surprise.

"FINE!?" Ice King asked in surprise.

"Yeah, there's other Goblins out there."

"B-b-but … What?!" Ice King stuttered in shock.

"Of course, we'll have to execute Gilich. For not doing as he was told." Marceline added slowly, her tone even. She swung around, her axe-bass appearing his her hands and she firmed her stance in front of the creature.

"WHAT?!" Gilich screeched, scrambling to his knees. "No! Please! I don't wanna die! I'm too young to die! It isn't my time yet! Pleeeease!" he cried, shoving his face into the dirt, his arms and hands out in front of him, bowing to the Vampire Queen.

"Hm … Your grovelling has definitely improved Gilich. Give me one of your tears and I'll let you live." she sounded bored, her voice returning to her regular, relaxed droning. Marceline produced a vial, from where we won't ever know, and tossed it to the Goblin. He sniffled, holding it up to the corner of his eye and waiting patiently for a tear to drop in. When it did, he pushed in the cork for the top and handed it to Marcy. She pocketed it and swiftly turned from the Goblin. "Alright Ice King. Let's go take care of … Whatever it is you're trying to do."

"So, why can't you tell me what this thing does, anyway?" Marcy inquired, floating above the Ice King as he placed the Sacred Ball of Obo in a concave compartment, especially shaped for it.

"It's not that I ican't/i. I'm choosing inot to/i." He replied smartly, giving a short bob of his head before opening a little drawer and taking the vial that held the tear. The cork came out with a ipop/i and the Ice King let the bit of clear, salty liquid drop into the drawer. He closed it, and then took a few steps back to admire his masterpiece.

The main part was a huge ring on it's side, made completely of ice. Blue, red and yellow cords ran all around it, attaching to what looked like a metal power generator. Which was where the Sacred Ball and tear now were.

"It looks like … A portal of some kind."

"You could … You could say that. Heh heh ..." Marceline stopped when she heard the creepy laugh at the end. She had heard it so many times. Especially when Simon had first started going crazy. It had scared her as a little girl, seeing as Simon had never laughed like that before, or made any sound remotely close to that. And it always led to something bad.

"Why do I have a feeling I'm gonna regret this?" Ice King quickly turned to face her.

"What? Oh, don't be silly, Marceline! This is going to be awesome!" He turned back to his Thingamawhatsit and pressed a big red button on the side. They both watched in silence as the generator began to power up. Sparks began to fly and the large hunk of metal began to vibrate before it began to shake. Electricity began to course from the thing and it ran through the cords towards the ice portal. A loud explosion came from the Ice Castle, and the entire place was immediately filled with smoke. Ice King and Marceline fanned their hands rapidly in front of themselves, coughing violently with all of the nasty smoke around them. Eventually it began to clear up and they looked to the portal.

"YES!" Ice King yelled excitedly. "It works! My Thingamawhatsit works!" he scuttled over to it and Marceline looked at him with a confused expression before she swooped in closer to him.

"What is it? Where does it lead to?" she asked, looked at the bright blue light that swirled in front of their eyes.

"Do you wanna find out?" Ice King asked her with a grin, clenching his fists together in excitement. Marceline seemed surprised by this.

"Find out? Does that mean you don't know?!"

"Oh no no, I know where it ishould/i take us. It might not, but it ishould/i."

"Uh-Uh. I'm not goin' in there …"

"Alright, fine! I'll go in on my own! Jeez. You and Gunter both are lacking in the faith department." Marceline raised an eyebrow at him, folding her arms over her chest. She watched as the Ice King waddled over to the portal. He stood there for a moment, looking nervous. But the expression was wiped from his blue face barely moments after. And he walked on through.

"Simon ..." Marceline sighed, shaking her head. She hesitated, floating a few inches nearer to the portal. It took a lot of arguing with herself for about five minutes before she finally decided she should go in and see what kind of trouble Ice King had gotten into. And with that, Marceline launched herself into the portal, closing her eyes tight.

When she reopened her eyes, she was still in Ice King's castle. Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion and she looked around.

"What the heck?" she floated over the portal and through the castle. Not far off she could hear the Ice King arguing with someone. IProbably himself .../i Marceline thought with a roll of her eyes. Then she heard a woman's voice growling back at the crotchety old man and her eyebrows shot up. "Ice King?" she called, floating towards the voices.

"Look! There she is now!" Ice King was standing in the middle of his living room, pointing at Marceline as she entered the frozen room. Her eyes darted over to a blue-skinned woman. Her hair was white, and reached all the way to her feet; which were unseen behind her dress which was the same shade of blue as Ice King's … Wizard cloak … Or whatever he called it.

"Marshall Lee! I told you to stop hiding in my castle! What happened to your hair? You've grown it out since I last saw you!" the woman thought long and hard for a couple a seconds before she added. "Yesterday ..."

"Marshall? Uh, no. My name's Marcel-,"

"And … Marshall … You seem to have … A growth ..." she added, her nose wrinkling a little. Marceline raised an eyebrow, looking down at herself.

"What?"

"In the ah- … Chest … Area." Marceline turned red as the woman formed the words over several awkward moments. She immediately folded her arms over her chest.

"Hey! Keep your eyes on my face will ya?" she demanded. "Why do you keep calling me 'Marshall?'"

"Oh, Marcy! You know. Marshall Lee is my gender bent version of you! Remember!" He held up his book, smiling widely. "You know. My awesome Fan Fic 'n all." Marceline gawked at him for a good amount of time before she shook herself out of it.

"You … Made a portal? To your crazy 'Fan Fiction' land?" She exclaimed.

"Yes! I did! And you helped me!"

"I can't believe this!" Marceline groaned.

"I don't understand either, Marshall." Ice Queen replied, checking her nails.

"I am not Marshall! He's just a stupid character that crazy, blue, old man made!"

"Hey hey hey, there are many words to describe my awesomeness, but 'stupid' is not one of them." All three people spun around to the entrance of the Ice Castle's opening where a handsome, gray- skinned vampire floated in, axe-bass over his shoulder.

"Hey! He … He has my axe-bass! How did he get that?" Marceline yelled, floating a little closer to him.

"iYour/i axe-bass? I'll have you know this is a family heirloom." Marshall replied.

"Wait wait wait. So she really is Marshall's fem-self?" Ice Queen inquired.

"Yessss!" Ice King replied with a nod. "And you are mine! Isn't that awesome? I'll tell ya, I've spent so much time working on that portal! Thanks ta Marceline I was able to finish it up!"

"Marceline, huh?" Marshall said, floating around her, examining her up and down before he stopped in front of her. Marceline glared, moving at least a foot away from him. "Whoa there, Sweetheart. I ain't gonna bite." he said with a wink. "Looks like somebody's already done that." his eyes moved over her neck and she quickly placed a hand over her bite mark. Then she looked to the dark haired vamp in front of her, and looking in the same place, she saw the same mark.

"Wow ..." she sighed, shaking her head. "I can't believe he actually conned me into helping him. Now you're real and so are the rest of his stupid stories and characters."

"Hey hey, watch the 's' word alright. I don't see anybody stupid in here." Both of their eyes wandered over to the two Ice Monarchs. "Well … Not itoo/i stupid, anyway. But if it's true who you are, then you know exactly why we would help those crazy old fools." Marshall looked over at Ice Queen, his lips turning down into a bit of a frown. Marcy watched him a moment before she looked over at Ice King.

"Yeah … Yeah I guess you're right." she mumbled.

"Marceline! We need to go exploring! I am so juiced up knowin' that it worked!" Marceline raised an eyebrow at the Ice King, shaking her head.

"We can't just-,"

"Well, why not?" Marshall asked with a grin. "C'mon. I'll go with you guys. Introduce you 'n stuff."

"That'd be great!" Ice King responded before Marceline could.

"Ya wanna come, Ice Queen?" Marshall questioned, but the woman shook her head.

"Most definitely not! Guntelina needs a bath right this instant!"

"iQUACK!/I"

"Get back her Guntelina! You have a nasty booty and we need to suds you up!" she then disappeared, off to find her penguin who had run off to hide from her. The three people left in the room stared after her, eyebrows raised.


End file.
